Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
