what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
