He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
