Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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