I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Who died my cat blue again?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
