Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
