his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
