i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Vodka?
Forever.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
