This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
