we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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