his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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