I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
