Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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