New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
