I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize