My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize