So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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