I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
