I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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