how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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