hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
