remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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