The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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