Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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