I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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