I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
