i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
