But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
