eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize