so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
