If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
