It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
