whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
