i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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