I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
