I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
