walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
