i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
