no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just forgot I was standing up.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
