I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
