i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Boobs are out for the taking
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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