We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
