If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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