K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
