Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
