We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
