Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize