This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
