party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
