Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
