the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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