Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
