Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
