I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
