You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
