Where is the hickey?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
