I just cut my nipple shaving
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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