I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
