Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
