I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Im part way to drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
