omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
