Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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